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To you, Mini

IMG_1179.JPGYour little blue eyes look up at me, and I know you don’t know.

You don’t know that I don’t know what I’m doing.

You don’t remember all the times I’ve doubted myself and questioned my instinct.

You don’t know how I felt angry on the nights you wouldn’t sleep.

You don’t know how I cried and stressed about bottle feeding or breastfeeding. 

You don’t know about the times I thought I was failing.

There are a lot of things you don’t know, but when your blue eyes look up at me, there is one thing you do know. 

Your mom loves you. 

Me, your flawed mom who doesn’t always get it right, I love you. 

Your eyes see me trying to do what’s best for you, and sometimes that means I question what I’m doing.

Your eyes see me feeding you, and you don’t care how I do that.

Your eyes see that I care so much for you that I’d give up my own sleep, time, body, and so much more to give you the best. 

Your eyes see that your mom shows up for you any time of day or night, no matter how tired or grumpy she might be.

Your eyes see the love.

And when I look into your eyes and you look back, the love is all that matters.

With time, all the other struggles will fade away. 5 years from now it won’t matter how you slept, how you were fed, or how overwhelmed I sometimes felt.

To my baby, when I look into your eyes, my eyes light up. I hope you know that no matter what is going on, whatever struggles we may face together in the future, you have always been loved and will always be loved.  

T, Thank you for you making motherhood seem so easy. We are coming up on 5 months of having my best friend born. You are the best! ~ Mom

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